sians...the class gathering..to me..its not sucessful...i mean....some people are not like....entertained....like me...i felt so....im juz like a failure.....anw...people pls try to tok to me b4 mondae...cos...maybe i'll nvr on my comp begining from 20th..when im back...or lets say..19th...so pls read my posts...b4 im gone...4eva....maybe this class gathering is gonna be the last time i see u guys/gals....of course..i'll go out with chun n maybe yc...but...the others....i hereby sincerely sae sry.........11:11....im thinkin of sum1.....
sians....emo-ed juz now...i squat in a corner of my room...i've thought hard....its not sucessful....
1/5 of the money spent at NTUC....gone......yc shld noe....anw...now im thinkin....yc noe me quite well....its bout $8....n the meaning of me buying it...its bout....touching sum1......yesterdae...stayed up till 4AM to clean my room...including the shelf.....my closet...which is in total mess yesterdae b4 i cleaned it up...i discarded over half of all my clothes to make my closet look nice n tidy
now....
its all down the drain....
my efforts.....everything......
i spent at least 1 hr...
tryin to clean up the dust...under my bed...on my table...under my table.....
i spent over 30min....cleaning thick blocks of dust off the space in between the fan.......i've never worked so hard b4.....its all down e drain...nothins perfect...oni a few people in this world is....to me.......
anw...i've stayed up till 4...partly i was thinkin of the ingredients needed to make sumpthing...yc shld noe.....anw todae.....i was heating up e curry my mum had cooked early in the morning....n i was cutting up e french loaf for e curry using a sharp knife...i've oni used 2 times b4.......in the end...not many people ate the curry...some people even think that the french loaf was juz normal bread n its for nothing.....i felt lke crying when i was eating the remainings at home......i was dipping the remaining french loafs n chewing on it...i felt....sad....when i was heating up...i stopped halfwae..cos sum1 called n said that she's gonna reach in 5 mins....i took my handphone...i chiong downstairs.....i saw yk n xinlin at the entrance.....after 5mins....denise came....chionged for nothing...could have slowly walked...i've sprained my ankle cos of that.....
n whats the result?being sad....down here...another thing that i felt at this gathering...
jealousy...
i was thinkin of singin at the bench..but...yj was the star...gratz...
tennis..reminded me of a bad memory...thats why i've quit tennis at bout Primary3....i fell when i tried to serve a throw n hit.....n i fell back....i thought i was a perfect player that time...but after that....i've quit tennis...todae...i've played cos i juz wanna get warmed up...in the end..i've found out that me, a perfect bar of steel has turned rusty.....n the uses are gone.....my skills...the steel bar can't be used anymore...time to be be disposed of.....tears are comin out of my eyes now...i'll nid to clam down..but i can't....
after that....we've played b-ball.........nothing special.....when i scored...sum1 was juz not there...n when im injured n walkin awae....she's back......thats fate...
if i've been born abit taller....i'll be in the limelight...cos..when i wanna stop chun from shooting...i can touch the ball...but...my the ball was too high for me to even cover that shot...juz abit more...i'll be perfect..sadly...i noe im not....i thought i noe how to use scientific explanations to barbeque the food....but i was wrong.......yc's cousin maid was much better than me...i'm nothin todae....total oblivion.....i juz acted happy when im with the others...it was totally diff from e afternoon when me n yc went to BPP....i was cracking lame jokes..to make him laugh...n i laughed when he laughed...n i complaint to him when he didn't..like "wth?! my joke not funny mehs?" then he would give me aforced smile....at least...he appreciated....im touched by this frendship of ours...maybe the jokes i cracked through MSN n u said "lols" or "haha" is juz fake comments....maybe bhind the screen ur thinkin"aw pls stop this convo with ken."or u're frownin n thinkin im disturbing...u noe...i understand.....i can guess....n this is to denise.....ima pyschic too
tok so much..one dae will disappear...one dae it'll be forgotten.....no use changing things around here to improve it anymore.....its no use...nobody's appreaciating it..NOBODY....
thinkin back bout the efforst i've put in...ima wasted asshole who others thinks ima bastard...nothing else....songs make me think alot..i think alot...i self-reflect....but..whats the use?not like anyone would appreciate me explaining using scientific facts....no one do....its no use...people juz judge using PSLE scores or wateva...but think again...does that count? wat if the lousiest scorer in PSLE gets a personal invitation to meet the presidents of all countries to give em advice....i noe its quite impossible...but y not?maybe b4 PSLE he's totally addicted to comp? he can't control n went to play comp on the dae b4 PSLE?u won't know....the smartest people may emerge as some retardeds.....or even a comp addict since kindergarden?u noe y?cos thats me...maybe i won't excel after PSLE which is most probably whats gonna happen...n i will totally not bcome the smartest guy....100% sure....maybe an astronomer...maybe an chef...maybe a leader of a rock band.....u won't noe...its fate that decides ain't it? so im juz foloing...nothing else...i'm juz saying wateva i wanna say...anw..yc..tmr...i think we shld go out barhs...im sick at home...im totally sick...even if im goin to ur hse to play....im happy...even if i'll go to ur hse n scream with ur lil bro..i'll feel better....maybe if i go there to quarel n fight...i'll feel stronger...n maybe remorse....maybe if i go there to learn more bout electronics from ur father..i'll feel smarter by another step......maybe if i learn more bout our religion through ur grandma....maybe i'll feel more knowing in religions.....maybe if i learn cooking from ur mom...i'll get more knowledge in ingredients n cooking...anw..at home..al i can do is sit n stare at comp screen...nothing else....sry for the long post people/readers..but i think im juz crying what my heart wanna scream out loud long ago...long ago as in a few hrs back in time...im sry...i hereby sincerely apologize to all of u readers...